i ♥ damaged characters, dark fairytales, thoughtful meta, lit crit, television, shakespeare.
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Stable Boy Reactions & Defenses (under the cut).
Okay. So. Stable Boy aired tonight and I just finished it and I have a lot of feelings right now. I need to get them out. Because of the spoilers this will contain, please see under the cut if you’d like to read. :) If you haven’t seen the episode yet, continue at your own risk! xoxo
Unpopular opinions ahead, so be forewarned~
You guys, I don’t want to be shallow, but. The Stable Boy is ugly, and. I can’t even handle this right now. I know Regina has better taste than that. This is proof that she just used the SB as a beard. Right? Right? Excuse me as I delude myself and vomit into my bucket of creys.
We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note… these are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us bitching about you leaving it down.
- If it’s too much work to use your delicate fingers to put the seat down. Pee the fuck outside. The toilet was originally designed to accommodate female urination. The only reason it is hinged is for sanitary purposes.
1. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to see if we can find the perfect present yet again!
- Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are occasions on which loved ones are supposed to reaffirm their love by means of material gifts. And it doesn’t matter what you give us as long as it has meaning. A little goes a long way.
1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
- Sometimes we don’t give a fuck. Oops.
1. Sunday = sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
- Sunday = day of rest. Don’t expect us to clean your shit. Maybe we like to watch sports too.
1. Don’t cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you’re stuck with her.
- Then I won’t shave anymore, either.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
- Shopping is NOT a sport. It’s something we have to do in order to dress you so we’re ashamed to be seen with you in public.
1. Crying is blackmail.
- If you made me cry. You deserve it.
1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
- Strong, Obvious, and just saying it are all the same thing. You’re just to stupid to realize that.
1. We don’t remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
- That’s fine. Don’t expect us to remember either.
1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops.What makes you think we’d be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?
- What makes you think we’d ask you?
1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.
- Except those that involve using your brain.
1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
- Maybe they would be better in bed too…
1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
- A relationship that gives you a headache for 17 months is a problem. See the door.
1. Check your oil! Please.
- Do your laundry! Please.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
- So does sex.
1. If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.
- If you won’t act like a proper man (who the hell wants a soap opera guy), don’t expect us to dress like a teenager’s wet dream.
1. If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We refuse to answer.
- If you think you’re a douchebag, you probably are. Don’t ask us. We’ll tell you straight to your face,
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
- If something you said can be interpreted in two ways, and one of the ways makes us sad or angry, GTFO.
1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it’s genetic.
- Let us ogle. Chances are he’s hotter than you.
1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
- You can either argue with what we say or get laid. Not both. If you want sex, do what we ask without complaining.
1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
- Whenever possible, please watch shows that are more interesting than the commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
- Christopher Columbus didn’t end up in the right place, neither will you.
1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.
- The relationship is never going to last more than two months if you act like that. Tell that to your guy friends.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
- ALL women…is a generic stereotype. We don’t speak caveman. Come back to us when you learn how to not be a douche.
1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
- If you scratch, you will be judged. We do that.
1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
- We do ask you to read our mind. We ask to listen. If you listened you would know exactly what we were saying. So it is proof about how little you care.
1. If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
- If you ask for sex we will say no. Faking it is not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.
- If you give us an answer we don’t want to hear, expect a reaction you don’t ever want to see.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
- So, I’ll just wear my ex boyfriend’s tshirt. I know how much you love that.
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
- If that’s all you’re thinking about it’s time to break up.
1. You have enough clothes.
- You have enough sex.
1. You have too many shoes.
- You watch too much tv.
1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it’s Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn’t really matter what the hell they’re saying anyway.)
- I won’t even dignify this with a response. It’s that pitiful.
1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz together. No, it doesn’t matter which quiz.
- What if it was “Is my girlfriend ready to break up with me?” cause chances are…she is.
1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
- Handjobs are as exciting for us and shopping is for you.
1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know we really don’t mind that, it’s like camping.
- Thank you for posting this, hope you like the outdoors. Cause you’ll be spending most of your life ‘camping’
1. I’m in shape. ROUND is a shape.
- I wanted sex….too bad.
In direct response to the above offensive comments. This is probably the most chauvinistic and narcissistic thing I have ever read in my entire life. I am disgusted and hurt that anyone would act this way. I’m sorry if my responses offend anyone.
I’m wondering, when was the last time anyone with this attitude was in a serious relationship? Most of these “men’s rules” are purely shallow and narcissistic, or else are either extremely offensive anti-feminist slurs based on the stereotypes one might hear in middle school. Talk to any happily married man who truly and honestly loves his wife and I don’t think he’d agree with any of these. Why? Because in a committed relationship––in a real, honest relationship that isn’t just an excuse for fucking or whathaveyou––people communicate and share love on a mutual playing field. There isn’t any of this childish bullshit about leaving the toilet seat up or watching football. Are you twelve? Like, really? Are you planning to find a nice hot chick and play house for the rest of your life? Because these “rules” are essentially describing probably a middle schooler’s comprehension of a relationship and what it means to be in one.
Let’s talk maturity. Let’s talk love. When you’re ready to commit yourself to one person for any length of time, you don’t “ogle.” I’m sorry, “ogling” is not genetic. Human? Maybe, yes. For singles. Those who are in love don’t “ogle.” They may appreciate another’s aesthetic, but they aren’t going to “ogle.” Let’s look at the definition of ogling, shall we? Dictionary.com has it listed as, ‘to look at amorously, flirtatiously, or impertinently.’ Now, being unfaithful to your partner? Shooting amorous and/or flirtatious glances at another woman or man? That isn’t genetics, sweetie. That’s ethics. Ethics tell you that if you’re in a relationship with someone that you genuinely care about, you aren’t going to be eye-flirting with others. It’s as simple as that. Now, what’s human is noticing other people who are attractive. That can’t be helped. Yeah, sometimes you notice a hot chick or a sexy dude walking down the street and that’s just how the cookie crumbles. But there’s a big difference between noticing and ogling.
It comes down to this: love is a two way street. Yeah, it’s a cheesy overused phrase, but not unlike many other cheesy overused phrases, it carries with it a distinctive grain of truth. It is a two way street. It’s a give and take. It requires effort. You can’t just sit back, relax, and expect everything to go your way. People like that don’t end up in relationships, and if by some stroke of luck they do, then the relationships they end up in are certainly far from healthy.
Love is about compromise. Love is about sensitivity. Love is about sharing. It’s about taking two people and putting them together and attempting to build a future. If you’re hung up on how much you hate shopping and how much you hate the toilet seat being left down (in its intended design), you can’t expect to get very far with anyone. You want to watch sports on Sunday? Fine. But sometimes, girls (and boys alike, mind) like to shop too. You can’t expect us to be happy about your passions if you loathe ours. It’s about respect, you know? I mean, really? Love is about RESPECT. You may be head over heels in love with someone but passionately disagree with their political philosophy. Take my grandparents. But guess what? They oversee it, because that’s what love is about. It’s about respect. It’s about looking at your partner and seeing someone you can respect and be proud of, even if you don’t necessarily agree with everything they do and/or believe. If you don’t respect your partner you have no business being with him or her. It’s as simple as that. You like sports on Sundays? Fine. We like retail therapy. As long as it’s our money you really haven’t got a say. As long as you’ve got the channel changer we haven’t really got a say. Let’s be mature about this, mmk?
Honestly, if you’re making posts about these “men’s rules” then you’re probably not ready for a committed or mature relationship. Maybe a casual hook-up thing, because that’s what these “rules” describe. They are ignorant and insensitive, and clearly spoken from a very jaded and very single boy. The humor is crude and hurtful and I find that this is one of the more puerile and distasteful posts I’ve come across on Tumblr. I don’t usually get involved with these sorts of things by adding my commentary to them, but with this I found myself unable to resist. It is a generalized and and founded entirely on banal platitudes that hold no meaning whatsoever in actual relationships. Boys, my advice to you is that if you want to be in a relationship with a girl/boy you care about, don’t pay attention to these rules.
Oh, and P.S., referencing Christopher Columbus as someone to model your behavior after? Can we take a minute to just––I mean––can I just say, wow? Like, really. Wow. Not only did he end up in the wrong place, but he single-handedly caused the destruction of an entire race of indigenous peoples once he got there. Without blinking twice. Next time, do better with your choice of references. Because Columbus is pretty fucking unacceptable.
YOU GUYS I CANNOT. THESE STILLS HAVE TAKEN MY ABILITY TO CAN.
THESE NEW PICTURES. OF LANA, AND STABLE BOY, AND CORA, AND HENRY, AND LITTLE!SNOW, AND REGINA, AND REGINA, AND REGINA, AND REGINA, AND REGINA.
THOUGH I KNOW I WILL BE DISAPPOINTED TO LEARN THAT REGINA’S TRUE LOVE IS A STABLE BOY
AND NOT A GIRL EMMA SWAN I CAN NOW VIEW THIS EPISODE HAPPILY AFTER SEEING HOW FLAWLESS AND BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT MY PRECIOUS BB REGINA LOOKS.